Tuesday, September 6, 2011

how to celebrate an anniversary


Just take it from Boyf and I, because we are experts. Yesterday was exactly seven-hundred and thirty days since the day when he asked me if I wanted to be his girlfriend. If you want to celebrate in style, like we did, simply follow these easy steps.


1) Stay in bed until approx. 10 am because it is Labor Day. Keep talking about how glad you are you don't have to go to work.

2) Make pancakes together because that is what adorable couples do and you are nothing if not an adorable couple, goddammit!* Put cut up peaches in the batter. Then, while your doting other half slaves over the actual making of the pancakes on the hot stove, ignore the dishes and any semblance of helping him and read blogs on your laptop instead.

3) Do laundry. Debate for a long time if you should sullen this holiest of holy days by venturing into the Dark and Scary Basement Which Has A Fallout Shelter Which Also Has A Padlock On It (I Mean, What Is The Point Of A Fallout Shelter That No One Can Access?!). Decide that ultimately, nothing kills romance faster than smelling bad.

4) Ask your beloved if you can borrow quarters because you don't have any, because you are not a real adult. Make no effort to repay said "borrowed" quarters.

5) Exchange gifts. Give him only half of his, because you waited too long to order the other half, and it has yet to arrive. Watch as he makes a big deal over how much he likes his half gift. Then open his gift for you and cry like a small child over how perfect and thoughtful it is.

6) Play James Taylor records and make hummus. Realize that three-day weekends are life's way of showing you how lame you are. Shouldn't you be able to think of more things to do on an extra day off?

7) Offer Boyf a bite of said hummus and watch as he almost keels over from the amount of garlic you put in.

8) Start thinking about where you want to go for your Fancy Anniversary Dinner.

9) Realize, as Boyf attemps to make reservations, that everywhere. Is. Closed. Something about a national holiday? Who knew.

10) Finally break down and put on jeans instead of the cutoffs you've been shivering in all day. Summer is over.

11) Go to Wegman's and take Boyf's declaration of, "Anything you want, babe, seriously" a little too seriously. Put literally everything you see into the cart for dinner. End up with a wedge of brie, a white baguette, overpriced gourmet hamburger patties, rolls, two giant potatoes, three different kinds of cheesy dip from the olive bar, and a six-pack of raspberry beer. Purposefully forget that Boyf really doesn't like fruity beer so as to give yourself an excuse to drink the whole thing.

12) Make dinner. Burn yourself making steak fries.

13) Eat said dinner in front of the TV. Watch three episodes of Sons of Anarchy, Season One.

14) Ignore the dishes.

15) Make him kiss you on the face an obnoxious amount before passing out at 10:30.


See? IS EASY. If you want, the next day you can blog about your special day and then ask him if you can put up a picture of him cuddling with a toy elephant on your blog. He will probably say yes, because he's a gem and all that.


*See, I told you there would be more swearing!

3 comments:

  1. I for one think this day sounds fucking fabulous.

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  2. Alright, it is nutty how fucking similar we are! (it still feels weird to swear, but I kind of like it)
    okay. number 1 - we do it all the time. can't stop talking about how we have days off. #2 - umm, yes. Jack once started talking in a british accent and saying m'am... he was "being" my butler #5 - arggg. I like to play it like they get an extra fun gift time. #9 - our anniversary is Canada Day... we NEVER remember that EVERYTHING is closed! #13 - dinner in front of tv is romantic.

    I think we all need to be friends.

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  3. haha Matt was just reading over my shoulder and says: "Is that Elle's blog? I see the word "boyf."

    I CAN'T WAIT FOR THEM TO MEET NEXT WEEKEND.

    Also, way to update your blog THREE TIMES and not inform me! JESUS, ELLE. YOU KNOW HOW I GET WHEN I DONT KNOW EVERY LITTLE THING YOU AND BOINK ARE UP TO!

    Thrifting when you visit? Bring a camera, mine is still dead :(

    ps. I fully support the cursing. Fuck all those pussies that can't handle it. <3

    ReplyDelete