Tuesday, November 30, 2010


Did you guys know that I am fluent in LOLcatz?  I am.  The Boyf started it.  When we were newly dating, he used to send me texts with the occasional "z" tagged onto the end of plurals instead of an "s".  In his benign effort to be adorable, he created a monster.  You guys, I am so good at LOLcatz that sometimes I text him and he texts me back saying, "Good job, babe, I have literally no idea what you just said."

See that?  You didn't know that about me before.  That was a freebie.  See, I got tagged by the adorable Kimmie of Blue Paper Lanterns to tell seven secrets about myself.  Guys.  I.  LOVE.  Talking about  myself.  It's like my number one hobby.  Buckle your seatbelts and get excited for some funtimes over this way. [Edit: Rose tagged me for another blogger award!  This one also involves me telling you all seven things about myself, but I really don't think you guys want to hear any more about the frequency of the trips I make to the bathroom, so I'm going to let this post suffice as my seven things for that one, too.]

1)  I can practically recite every single episode of The Simpsons, Seasons 1-13.

Up until this past summer, we didn't have cable TV at my house.  My parents thought that it would turn my brain into jelly if we had cable, but what it really resulted in was me gluing myself to the TV when I went to friends' houses and developing some kind of unhealthy addiction to MTV my freshman year of college.  

For some reason, my parents didn't have a problem with The Simpsons, probably because it's funny and occasionally references classic literature.  For years, instead of watching TV, we would put on one of our many seasons of The Simpsons and watch that instead of TV.  The best episode ever is "Lemon of Troy."  I will allow no arguments on this fact, as it is accepted by all that is holy.  The end.

2) I met the Boyf in Ireland.

This sounds more glamorous than it really was.  Just kidding.  It was actually super glamorous.

What happened was this (I know you're all really interested to know):  I took a class in Ireland for four weeks the summer before my senior year.  It was offered through my college, so the school basically got together a big group and sent us over with two professors.  I was technically taking a class called "Travel Writing" but really I just bonded with my favorite professor and got drunk in pubs a lot.

The Boyf was one of three boys out of our group of nineteen.  We frolicked around Dublin in an obnoxiously huge group for the first three days of the trip, awkwardly tiptoeing around each other because no one really knew each other that well yet and things were kind of awkward.  One night at a pub we were all chatting with a couple guys our age who were there for the U2 concert, and one of them looked at Boyf and me and said, "Well, you two clearly fancy each other."  And we practically fell over each other being all UM NO WE DO NOT DON'T SAY THAT THAT'S RIDICULOUS HAHAHA.

Two days later, we went to a different town, unpacked our stuff in our semi-permanent apartments, went grocery shopping, bought wine on said shopping expedition, got really drunk at dinner, and then decided to watch Irish TV.  We ended up watching The Butterfly Effect which is, fyi, a really horrible movie.  And then the Boyf asked me if he could kiss me and I said yes and then he said, "I really like you," and I said, "Me too," and we spent the rest of the trip being really disgusting and wandering around Ireland holding hands and making everyone else on the trip vomit and hate us.  And the rest, as they say, is history.

3) I was a Creative Writing major in college.

Everyone thought I was crazy.  I was high school valedictorian and I did really pretty awesome on the SATs and everyone was like, "Major in something where you can make money!"  But all I ever wanted to be was a writer.  I went to college, stopped taking anything that even remotely resembled math, got chummy with everyone in the English department, and became that irritating girl who sits in your workshop and says, "I'm not sure if these metaphors are exactly consistent, you know what I mean?"  I never doubted for a second that this was what I was good at, this was what I was meant to do, this was what was going to make me happy forever.

But now I've graduated.  And I can't find a job.  And I'm a waitress and I hate it.  And I'm beginning to wonder, for the first time in my life, if maybe I should have gone into something boring but lucrative.  But then I take a step back and I realize I wouldn't have been happy studying anything but what I did.  Still, it would be nice to be actually employed so I didn't have to feel guilty about all that money on my degree going to waste.

4) I pee a lot.

I do.  TMI, right?  But it's because I'm really into hydration.  I drink a lot of water, a lot of tea, a lot of seltzer, a lot of coffee.  And then I pee.  It's just how these things go.

5) I didn't learn how to drive until I was 18.

When I was 16 I got my permit like everyone else because it just involved taking a test and I'm good at taking tests.  But driving terrified me.  My dad and I are a lot a like, so when we got into the car together we would both be tense and nervous and end up screaming at each other and slamming on the breaks and Dad would end up driving home muttering about "almost went into the ditch" while I pouted with my arms crossed.  The summer after my first year of college I decided enough was enough and asked Mom to teach me how to drive.  I don't know why I hadn't thought to do that before.  Mom and I gelled a lot better and I got my liscense less than two months later.  Easy-peasy.

6) I love romcoms.

See that girl over there with the hipster glasses and the vintage scarf?  The one reading Hemingway and drinking some kind of organic, fair-trade latte in a recyclable mug?  The one who babbles on about Wes Anderson and Woody Allen movies?  The one who watches The Cooking Channel instead of Food Network simply because The Cooking Channel is "more indie"?  The one who is living a lie because she secretly loves really sappy, predictable movies (like Love & Other Drugs) more than anything in the world?

Yeah, that would be me.  I like The Notebook.  I'm coming to terms with the fact that I like The Notebook.  It's just taking me a while.

7) I have literally almost no idea what I want to do with the rest of my life.

I know, I know.  Everyone says, "That's fine," and "You have plenty of time to figure it out" and "Something will come along."  But I'm twenty-two and I already feel old.  I feel like I should be doing something.  I have so many ideas of things I want to do, but no idea how or why or when I'll be doing them.  Should I move to NYC and try to get a job in the publishing industry?  Should I live an awesome bohemian lifestyle while I focus on my writing and eventually get my MFA?  Should I move in with Boyf?  Should I move to the Pacific Northwest?  Should reapply for Teach For America and actually take the job this time?

I'm good at worrying and I'm good at getting panicky.  But then I slow down and I realize that I am twenty-two.  I can do anything.  Nothing is holding me down.  And that, palaminos, is a pretty sweet feeling.

Woah.  Sorry for busting out the heavy on y'all.  Here, look at these puppies for a while and forget my awkward seriousness.  

I'm tagging Rose, Lydia, Linda, Emily, Patty, Monkeyface, and Lexie.  Feel free to not get all doom-y and serious and run off at the mouth the way I did.  Cheers!


  1. Aww, thanks for the tag! I've seen other bloggers do this and I've been like, I want to do that too! So thanks.

    My advice to my friends that say they don't know what they want to do with their lives is always: Be an accountant! And then they look at me weird and I remember that it's only me who thinks that's an awesome career. Oh well.

  2. OMG you're so funny. We used to share office space with the icanhascheezburger people and we would always have funny stuff around. I never got around to spending much time on the site so sadly, I'm not fluent in LOLcat. :(

    Yes, you should move to the Pac NW and we can be BFFs. :)

  3. I'm 27 and don't know what I want to do with my life either. :) I made the mistake of telling my students that one year and they were shocked I didn't want to spend the rest of my life with 8th graders. :)

  4. I want to adopt you as my cooler, prettier younger sister. And then we can go shopping together and be BFF.

    No, I'm not stalking you. I just think you are hilarious and your outfits are always super cute!

    And I majored in International Studies because it had a lot of classes I wanted to take. I didn't do anything with relation to that once I graduated. My first job after college? Roasting nuts at the mall...sad, I know. Eventually I got into what I'm doing now, which is Information Management at an Engineering company. Decent pay...but boring. I make it through my day by reading blogs when I should be working and making Christmas gift lists for my family.

  5. I pee a lot, too. Every hour on the hour. Just so you know.

    AND maybe you should go to grad school like the rest of us who worked crappy jobs but did well in school. Hey they pay for it usually (actually I have no idea how MFA's work funding-wise...umm, do it anywayz)! ;)

  6. 1: Here's the thing: you're hilarious. HILARIOUS. I just read this post out loud to my husband laughing the entire time. When I read that Lemon of Troy was the best episode of Simpsons he actually SHOUTED "Yes! Thank you!" And I said, since I'm not so schooled as you guys, "Really?" and he said, "So this is what it feels like when doves cry."
    3+7: I was an English major in college so I FEEL YOU. When I graduated I was basically like: O_O Why am I making coffee for people again? I should've been a doctor! Except ahahaha. I should stop flattering myself. Math be hard.
    5: I was 24...when I got my license. >.>
    In conclusion, let's be friends.